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Poetry Critique [15 Jun 2003|01:47pm]

absurd_bird
[ mood | dorky ]

Did I sounds condescending to dear old Scott? I didn;t want to.. but I think I may have.

Taken from a poetry forum I visit:

Sleeping cat whose dreams look out
onto the garden puddled,
sending soft whisps of breath
through a tiny rose pinked nose.

Dozing softly by the candle,
purring gently in your sleep.
Imagining perhaps, of chasing
that illusive ball of yarn.


~Absurd Bird
-------
very sweet absurd bird.

-------
I don't understand the second line, do you mean puddled as in rain puddles? if you do the language needs tightening, if not i am more confused. I don't understand "pinked", would plain pink not do. 3rd line 2nd stanza reads funny, "of chasing" seems odd phrasing. Why is the ball of yarn so illusive, don't understand the personification. I love cats, I have two of the pesky critters, i think their mystique and unique feline enigma could be better portrayed in verse.
Scott
-------
Ah, thankee Scott :)
As a poet, I love to paint with words, and that sometimes means I need to use a new colour. I don't always stick to straight English, I vary it up a tad to get the sound and image of the word to mix. Example: My English teacher once graded me down because I used the word "twilit garden" (like moonlit...only...not). But twilit was the word...no other could fill it for me. Thus a garden puddled is exactly what it looks like in the head..that image. It just wouldn't be the same if it was a garden full of puddles, would it? :)
I will say this..."of chasing" does sound off...but "of tangling in" was worse. :) Thank you again for your comments :):)
~Absurd Bird

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Study: Cats [14 Jun 2003|08:34pm]

absurd_bird
[ mood | happy ]

Just wanted to introduce you to our little family. They're both a little less than a year old, and we love 'em to death. No poetry this time lol, just pics.

This is Tosen, she's our little Greykins. I know this pic is a bit outta focus, but hay, I'm learning!



This is her again, all tired out from chasing the string...




And now for our Sheldon. Shel is a...very strange cat. Here he is asking for a tummy rub, he's nuts about 'em! Hasn't he got the cutest ickle leopard spots?



And now he's mad because I didn't rub his tummy.




That's it!! Soon you'll have pics of little Hermione, the baby kitten we're getting, once she comes home after being weaned. Now I have a question...do these pics just shoke your friends page to distraction? If it's that bad I'll cut em....but I like not using the cut for these, especially when I add poetry. But then I don't want to annot the hell out of you all either. :) Love to you all!

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Sleeping Cat [13 Jun 2003|12:16pm]

absurd_bird
Tosen

Sleeping cat whose dreams look out
onto the garden puddled,
sending soft whisps of breath
through a tiny rose pinked nose.

Dozing softly by the candle,
purring gently in your sleep.
Imagining perhaps, of chasing
that illusive ball of yarn.
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Thank you [13 Jun 2003|11:59am]

absurd_bird
[ mood | artistic ]

For taking the time to stop and see my creative journal. :) Pour yourself a nice cup of chai, pop in some Julie London, and browse away!

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